I don't think our disagreement is complete.
Try this on for size:
The actual consist of a black-hole:
An expansion of space beyond our perceivable dimensions.
The shape, as viewed from the perception of an outside viewer capable of perceiving >3 dimensions:
Spherical. The only current view possible, via any part of the spectrum, is similar to a full solar eclipse. It would look the same from any viewing angle.
We would, wrongly, call the precipice an accretion disc. It only looks like a disc by us.
Any claims of finding a black-hole by using theorized light bending will find the light does bend but there is an added bonus. There is a red-shift. The closer to the center of the hole the greater the shift to red and beyond.
The process:
Equalization of energy and pressure. The operation is more by balancing of energy and suction and almost nothing major happens due to gravity.
What does it look like from the space inside the black-hole?
The same as our universe looks to us. There are an almost unlimited number of entry points from other spaces. The very first opening may be called "The Big Bang".
Our space would appear to expand from that point but seem to shift in unexplainable directions or even spiral away from that first opening. This would be due to other openings, later.
Light inside the black-hole, has the same velocity as the light outside. The problem is, the velocity is in the frame of the observer inside the black-hole. From our view, it would move at a much slower velocity due to the ever expanding space it occupies. The only indication we would have of 'light' or any other energy being emitted by a black-hole is down-shift in frequency. The more it shifts downward the faster the inside of the black-hole is expanding.
Particle? Sorry, that makes me laugh
Light is exactly the same as all other movement of energy,whether it is electromagnetic or not. One factor is longitudinal, the other is transverse. Wave-packet, particle, wave.... What we call a particle is the longitudinal portion of moving energy. What we call the wave portion is the transverse part. The only close description we have is the wave-packet. At least somebody realized both are facets of one thing.
How we see that moving energy is rooted in our reference frame, compared to that of the moving energy, the velocity of approach and the media which it travels.
I'm done for awhile, my head hurts